I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
