I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
