RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
