; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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