if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
