she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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