How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
