I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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