You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
