how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Houston, we have a squirter
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
