why didn't you poke me back
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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