I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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