I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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