I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
