im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize