I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
