actually, I'm a sock model
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
