PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize