Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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