Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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