Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
