New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
