Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
