how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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