Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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