I am full of burrito and curiosity
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I checked into jail on foursquare
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
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