Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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