@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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