i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I looked at my own cervix.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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