I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
