I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
