i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
