I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
