If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Operation Purity has been aborted
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
