I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
