Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
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