My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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