just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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