i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
