Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Randomize
