My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
