Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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