Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
