my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Randomize
