I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
