I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
