Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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