so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
