Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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