shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
