Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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