It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
