don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
