And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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