she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
