yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
