Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
