you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
