Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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