like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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