I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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