we're chasing vodka with high fives
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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