If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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