so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
