I hope mine doesn't look like that
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
BRING THE BAGELS
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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