Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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