Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
my liver is dry heaving
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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