I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
